The Secret to My Fire

yellow and red flower in tilt shift lens

I always hope (and believe!) that things are more adventurous than they are, like I’m always on some great big treasure hunt, the greatest mystery of all time.

Clues are everywhere.

Pitfalls can’t stop me.

Something great lies ahead.

This is not just a story I tell myself. I honestly believe it, almost like a crazy person — that the combination of everyday things can contort into a riddle.

While my kids jump on the trampoline and my neighbor talks on her phone, I’m looking around for clues — the shadows on the fence, the curling line of ivy — comforted by the notion that the X may be underneath the leaves.

Right vs Kind

Woman explaining position to african american husband

Is it more important to be right or to be be kind?

Rightness is often for the individual, for the retention of the way things are. It relies on rules, often pre-determined by ghosts. Rightness creates wrongness upon its very utterance, which means a line is drawn and sides must be taken. Egos are at stake and words become stones.

Kindness is ALWAYS for more than one person. It erases lines, silences ghosts, and takes the weight out of stones.

Many work as one and breathe birds into the sky.

In color and light, they see more than just shadows.

Charge

pink ceramic pig coin bank

I don’t give discounts but I almost always have a pro-bono project on hand.

There are plenty of people down on their luck or just struggling with where to go and how to get there.

This time.

How lucky I am to have a skill that can make that all go away.

30 minutes on the phone and BAM:

Clarity.

Confidence.

Phone ringing.

Wanted.

Accepted.

Riding high again.

This time it was a meat packing plant delivery driver. Never had a resume, no idea how to use Microsoft Word. Struggling with email, even.

Oh, and don’t worry about me and my time. I get something too.

It’s like a shot in the arm, a reminder of why I do this thing, like stripping away the fancy layers and getting down to the dark red center. It’s like Barry Bonds going back to his childhood baseball diamond to get his groove on.

It’s like…

BAM:

Clarity.

Confidence.

Riding high.

Generosity. It works both ways.

Men Make Terrible Sorcerers

The cauldron is boiling on the coals of the fire. In a camping boiler on a halt, mulled wine with lemon and spices is cooked.

I sat at a table full of women, aged 15 to 70, and they all unanimously agreed:

Men don’t listen.

What a thing to hear!

50% of the population is missing out. (I’ll let you decide which 50 I’m talking about.)

This is apparently such a prevalent problem that the next time you find yourself in a circle of mixed-gender people, it is guaranteed that you will witness a man talking over or ignoring a non-man. And if you don’t witness this happening, well… you should probably ask someone at the table who you talked over.

To be blunt, fellas, let’s shut the hell up once in a while.

Good conversations are like magic, a bunch of sorcerers sitting around in a circle with a cauldron in the center, taking turns spooning in ingredients. We’ve all got different things in our pockets and anyone can scoop something out and drop it in.

But a few of us sorcerers, we’re hogging the spoon.

We’re emptying our pockets completely, reaching into the sacks at our feet, as if that’s the goal: to empty ourselves, to fill the cauldron with everything we brought.

But we already know what we brought.

And we’re not going home with much more.

See, that’s the real tragedy — it’s not just 50% of the population that’s missing out.

The cauldron is massive. The potential for concoctions is limitless. We can fill the room with smells we’ve never known. We can really solve things. We can heal the world, conjure spells the world has never seen.

If, we’d just give up the damn spoon.

Love Notes

Person covered with plastic bag on head while holding sliced blood orange

I like to take notes in a blank sketchbook. I’ve always hated lines and boxes, and writing by hand is more fluid… (see what I did there?).

My notes are thought fragments, shorthand, just enough to remind me what I was thinking.

And in this process, I’ve developed a collection of inside jokes: potty-mouthed reference points, word amalgamations, my own language that only I understand.

For example, the word “Objective” — used to describe a client’s career goal — has slowly morphed into “Obby” and then “Obbatude” and, just yesterday, “Obbalobbadingdong.” (Who knows what it will be today.)

Letter for letter, these words actually take more time to write so, okay, this isn’t quite shorthand.

Then why bother?

In high school, my girlfriend used to pass me love notes between classes. She’d fold them up into little triangles and write sweet things with little hearts on the flaps. In the midst of my Earth Science lecture, I got to unfold a love story, literally.

These notes were just for me and they were always good for a smile.

Perhaps I’ve picked up where my high school girlfriend left off.

If you go through my journals and my college notebooks, you’ll find tons of nonsensical words with little pictures and animated, puffy words drawn in the margins, stories in pen and ink that only I understand.

Cliffroglyphics.

This has carried into my work.

Here’s the thing: when I come back to these little scrawlings days later… when it’s time to write the resume or prep for the second counseling call, my notes always make me laugh. Often out loud.

I know they’re coming, and I still laugh.

Definitely good for a smile.

It’s like I’ve been writing love notes to myself all these years: something whimsical and warm in the midst of all the seriousness of work.

Coded joy.

Love in the margins.

Just for me.

Nut

Selective focus photography of brown steel knot on brown metal plate

Weather’s getting nicer.

I need some new lounge chairs.

The ones I got are wobbly. 10 years old.

Come to think of it

maybe I can just tighten a few screws

instead of buying a whole new thing.

Pull ’em out of the weeds.

A few more screws in different places.

A few minutes on my back, on my knees.

Yup, that did it. Only one loose arm, not bad.

Missing a nut, is all.

Time to shoot some hoops.

Loose ball off the backboard.

Bounce… bounce…

And wouldn’t you know it,

bang

crack

Right on that chair.

Aw c’mon.

Arm fell off. Wood on the ground. Screw sticking up.

Back in the house. Back outside. Back on the ground.

Screw in a different place this time. Different angle

Ow, my knee!

What’s that?

No way.

The missing nut.

Thought I’d lost you.

C’mere, sweet thang.

Few twists. Finger-tight.

There you are.

Back home you go.

Now where was I?

Ball out of bushes.

Air balls and swishes.

Bad luck with the good.

The story’s never quite done.

True Love

Portrait of a romantic elderly couple

Just what is the metric for True Love?

I think I figured it out.

My wife went away for a week and, when I was presented with the opportunity of limitless action movies on Netflix, I chose to watch 2 romatic comedies in a row.

Damn, that’s even hard to write down.

But wonderful to live.

The Hardest Part

Most problems can be solved by creating more time.

The easiest way to create time is to get up earlier.

Here are hree things you can do that will help you get out of bed in the morning.

One: Have a glimpse of your day the night before. Nothing too elaborate. Just a few images, a constellation of appointments, a scaffold. After a while, it comes easy.

Two: Give yourself something immediate to get up for. For my daughter it’s cartoons. She hates making her lunch and she loves watching cartoons. If she thought about making lunch, she would never get up. For me, it’s walking into my office in fresh socks, sitting in my easy chair, popping in earbuds, and doing a meditation. Reliable, tactile, easy to achieve. When it comes to morning motivation, always choose the chair and the cartoons, and not the lunch-making.

Three: Promise yourself you can go back to bed after you do step two. Ninety-nine percent of the time you won’t.

The beginning is the hardest part of work. I believe Plato said that.

But he was wrong. It’s not so hard.

Plato thinks too much.

The Un-Coach

Group of people raise their hands on stadium

Say it with me.

No, I don’t want to 10X my business. I don’t want 30-40 more client leads than I already have. I don’t want to create an “effortless passive revenue stream” so I can parasail on the Galapagos Islands or eat the rarest of birds.

I don’t want abundance.

I love what I already have.

Ah, yes… here it is: I seek to love what I have and who I have it with, each and every day of my beautiful life.

I have enough.

I am already Bill & Melinda Gates, simply by not taking it all in the first place. Why not skip the part of needing to put it in one place?

I might not get the plaque but we’d reach the same goal, and more quickly.

Thanks Bill, but we wouldn’t need to fund the nonprofits, if we weren’t so driven by the for-profits.

Let’s not celebrate the giving after the taking. Let’s celebrate the not taking. It’s harder to see, but it’s out there.

We need a seminar on that.

A crowd of a thousand people screaming in hysteria to make less.

And no one on the stage.

Off Script

We love it when the teacher turns off the Powerpoint. We lean in when the President stops reading the teleprompter.

Our favorite Saturday Night Live skits are the ones where the actors can’t stop laughing, miss their cues, or venture off script.

Remember this when interviewing: you want to go off script. That’s a sign that you’re connecting, that real life is happening. It’s the place where even the most disinterested person wakes up and tunes in.

You will be remembered, not for your slide deck or your well-rehearsed 5-point answers, but by the story you tell about what happened on your way to the interview.