I don’t get get. How can you smile in here?
Because smiling is better than frowning.
But we’re locked in this room all day and beaten and tortured at night. We’re fed the same rotten food every day. We are ridiculed and yelled at. We are forgotten.
This is all true.
So?
So, what do those things have to do with joy?
Nothing! They’re not joyful things at all. That’s my point. There’s nothing joyful in here!
What about the sunset?
There is no sunset.
Of course there is. I remember the sunset. I remember watching the sunset with my daughter.
Why would you do that to yourself. Remembering hurts.
But it’s joyful before it hurts. It’s our longing that creates hurt. I don’t long for the moment, I just remember it. And it’s beautiful.
There you go again, smiling when there is no reason to smile.
Tell me, friend. Do you wish to be happy?
That’s a stupid question.
Do you wish to be happy?
Yes, of course I wish to be happy.
Then be happy.
What do I got to be happy about?
You’re looking in the wrong places. There is always something to be happy about.
You’re crazy. You’re lying to yourself.
Maybe.
Why are you smiling again?
Because you’re more worried about being sane than being happy.
Whatever.
You can be crazy, my friend. I don’t mind.
See, that’s the thing, you don’t mind. It’s like you’re not even here.
Wrong, my friend. I am more here than you. You are the one who is not here. You are at the sunset, you are being tortured. You are eating bad food.
Those things are our life now.
They are part of our life.
A big part.
Big compared to what?
I don’t know. Anything.
What?
Anything.
Anything? Like any moment when those other things are not happening?
Yeah.
Like now?
Yeah, like now. I guess.
So why is now smaller than before?
Because it doesn’t hurt.
You’re so attached to hurt, my friend.
How do I get unattached?
It’s not about getting unattached. Losing hurt would be sad.
Well, how do I make it hurt less? I just want it to hurt less.
Let the things that do not hurt grow bigger.
And how do I do that?
——
Are you listening to me? How the hell do I do that? C’mon, don’t shut off now.
——
Why aren’t you talking? C’mon, friend! Talk to me!
——
Wait. Are you crying?
Yes.
Why? After all your stupid smiling and talking about joyfulness, why are you crying NOW? Are you sad?
No. I am not sad.
Then why are you crying?
Because I am happy.
Okay. Then, why are you happy?
Because this moment has grown bigger for you... and me.