Crappy Vacation

An aerial photography of a man in black jacket standing in the middle of the forest

Sometimes, gratitude isn’t so easy to come by.

If you’re having trouble finding it, here’s some advice: take a crappy vacation.

You don’t have to actually go anywhere; just plan it. Plan it in your head.

Where are you staying?

Are you inside or outside?

What ca… Read more...

The Key to Impressing People

I was hard at work prepping for a school fundraiser at my house.

I had just finished calibrating the stereo and microphones. I still needed to set up the auxiliary A/V system (just in case), make blackberry rosemary syrup for the cocktails, trim back the ivy on the stoop, vacuum t… Read more...

The Last Staple

Staplers

I finally ran out of staples.

It took 25 years.

In my first job as a temp at the Writer’s Guild of America in Los Angeles, I went into the supply closet after hours and stole a crate of staples. Not a box, a whole crate.

The staples were for my manuscripts.

Writing was my thing… Read more...

Cuss Words

Young boy shows cross with fingers - don't touch me

I never was one to care much about cuss words.

I use them in front of my kids.

My main concern is that they impede upon their vocabulary development.

Especially the eff-bomb. That word is a bit too versatile. You can use it 4 times in a single sentence.

But these so-called cuss words… Read more...

Coworkers

supermarket cart on aisle

I sensed the clerk at the grocery store wasn’t much up for talking, so I grabbed some bags and started bagging.

Beep beep.

Bag bag.

We got into a rhythm like two strangers picking up instruments on the corner.

No words.

Beep Beep.

Bag bag.

His coworker came by, and I was given the… Read more...

Perfect Vision

Stylish sunglasses placed on wooden table

Being laid back can affect your vision.

I learned this in my doctor’s office.

I had been having trouble with my new progressives – the snazzy moswen name for bifocals. I was getting completely dizzy and it wasn’t wearing off. I had trouble seeing clearly.

She asked… Read more...

Cross-Examined

Judge signing on the papers

Years ago, I was in court testifying for a friend, and the defense attorney was doing his thing: trying like hell to discredit me. (Good luck with that, bruh.)

“So you’re saying you drank some beer and smoked a few bowls.”

He said this in a lazy faux-SoCal sort of… Read more...

Utter Joy

Green grass field under white clouds

What else can you call it?

Hazel’s been lucky enough to have after-school care by Temescal Lake, a modest lake with a beach and trees all around. Her child care program meets in a raised meadow that overlooks the lake.

It’s right next to a freeway, but you can’t s… Read more...